The Legend of Drunken Dodgeball Master
by Paige42
Summary: What happens when three drunk SG members try to play dodgeball? Part 3 of the "Vacation Week" Series. Sequel to 'Too Many Memories' and 'The Mystery of the Coolsville Kids'.


TITLE: The Legend of Drunken Dodgeball Master 1/1  
AUTHOR: Sam (Lestrade42@aol.com)  
RATING: PG  
FEEDBACK: Oh yeah, baby.  
DISCLAIMER: All established characters belong to a group of people a hell of alot richer than me.   
SPOILERS: Various up through 'Hundred Days'.  
  
Sequel to 'The Mystery of the Coolsville Kids'.  
  
If you've been keeping track, this is the 3rd installment of the "Vacation Week" Series.   
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
General Hammond slammed the phone down. It was horrible, catastrophic... bad even. Dr. Frazier called up with the report on the condition of three of the four members of SG-1. It had started out innocently enough on late Sunday afternoon...  
  
... "Yes sir. An entire week off. General Hammond got a message from Teal'c. Apparently there's some kind of celebration on Chulak..."  
  
"And we could use the vacation time too." Daniel Jackson said as he entered the room. His arms were full of movie cases. He took one more step and dropped the stack at Jack's feet.  
  
"What did you do, Daniel? Hold up the local Blockbuster?" Jack said, picking up the case that had hit him in the shin.  
  
"Well, I figured this way we can relax..." ...  
  
It went all night. They finally choose something, but it went on well into Monday morning. Then it got worse. Apparently Major Samantha Carter had found the supply of Mike's Hard Lemonade...  
  
...Sam groaned as she shifted the cold Mike's bottle on her eye. "Let it never be said that geeks can't fight."...  
  
... Suddenly Daniel came busting in the door. An ace bandage was around his right wrist and his left hand was hidden behind his back. "The time for idleness is over! The time for activity is now! We shall play the sport of the gods!"  
  
"Basketball?" Carter guessed.  
  
"Hockey?" Jack asked.  
  
Daniel smiled. "No." He held up a large red ball high above his head. "Dodgeball!"  
  
Carter and Jack exchanged glances. Then Jack jumped to his feet. "Race you to the Gateroom!" ...  
  
General Hammond shook his head. Now it was late Monday night...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Doctor Daniel Jackson drunkenly stumbled into the gateroom with a red ball raised high above his head. "Bow before me, peasants! I am the Dodgeball master."   
  
Colonel Jack O'Neill ran into the room, Major Samantha Carter crouched behind him. Daniel launched the ball towards them. It bounced off the ramp and rolled back down. Sam and Jack both dove for it, but Sam was faster. As she raised the ball high, Jack tackled her.  
  
"Hey! There's no tackling in dodgeball!" Sam screamed.  
  
Jack flipped off of her and jumped towards the ball. Daniel ran up the ramp and grabbed it first. Jack lay sprawled at Daniel's feet. "No!" Jack screamed.  
  
Daniel laughed evilly and threw the ball with all his might at Jack's back. Jack managed to roll out of the way. The ball bounced high into the air.  
  
"Mine!" Sam jumped to her feet and ran to where the ball was going to land. As she positioned herself underneath, Jack hip checked her and caught the ball instead.   
  
Sam looked up at her superior officer. "Mercy sir!"  
  
Jack smiled. "On one condition.. alliance."  
  
"No fair!" Daniel's drunken voice echoed through the room. "This isn't 'Survivor'!"  
  
She smiled. "Alliance."  
  
Jack helped her to her feet and turned to Daniel. "Don't worry, Danny boy. We'll give you a three second start." As Daniel opened his mouth to respond, the gateroom sirens went off. The chevrons on the gate began to glow.   
  
"Off world activation!" a voice called over the loud speakers. Daniel, Sam and Jack ran for cover before they were caught in the event horizon.   
  
The gate did it's typical WHOOSH-WHOOSH (which Daniel decided looks cooler when you're plastered) and Teal'c stepped out.   
  
Jack threw out his arms. "Teal'c!" He didn't noticed he had dropped the ball and now Sam had it. Sam raised the ball above her head and was aiming for Jack's head.  
  
"O'Neill!" Teal'c raised his staff weapon and pointed it at Sam. She screamed and dropped the ball.  
  
"Whoa! Teal'c! It's okay. It's just a game."  
  
"I am sorry, Majorcarter." He lowered the staff.  
  
"No problem." She looked around her for the ball, but Daniel was scrambling for it already. "My ball!" she screamed.  
  
Teal'c walked down to Jack. "What is the purpose of this game, O'Neill?"  
  
"It's called Dodgeball, Teal'c. You get the big rubber ball and you hit people with it."  
  
"Here Teal'c." Daniel tossed the ball at him. "Take a shot."  
  
Teal'c caught the ball easily with one hand. "You wish me to hit you with this ball, Danieljackson."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, not just him. For you to win, you have to get all of us." Sam smiled.  
  
Teal'c nodded. He launched the ball at Daniel's head. It hit him square in the face. He hit the ramp with a THUD! The ball flew back to Teal'c.   
  
Jack was standing in front of him, dumbstruck. "Ah..." He turned quickly.  
  
Teal'c threw the ball again. It hit Jack in the back of the head. Jack stumbled, tripped and then rolled to the bottom of the ramp. Sam tried to get out of the way, but her hit her and took out her knees.  
  
Sam rolled over as a shadow passed over her. Teal'c was standing over her, the red ball raised high.   
  
"I believe I have won." Teal's threw the ball at Sam's gut.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dr. Frazier sighed as General Hammond entered the sick bay.   
  
"Well, any progress?"  
  
"Daniel has a broken nose, Colonel O'Neill has a concussion and Major Carter has two fractured ribs."  
  
"Apparently Teal'c didn't know that you're not supposed to throw it as hard as you can."  
  
"They'll be laid up for the rest of their vacation."  
  
"Yes. Teal'c had only come back for a ceremonial robe. He left right after the... incident."  
  
They continued their conversation as they left the room.  
  
Daniel sat up in the bed. "Everyone feel up for an adventure?"  
  
Jack sat up slowly. "How? Ol' Doc Frazier took my pass card."  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam sat up, groaning a little. She held out her hand. One pass card shone in the faint light. "I swiped it from her pocket when she was checking my ace bandage. Let's go. But one thing first."  
  
"What's that, Carter?"  
  
"We need to hit the supply room."  
  
Daniel tried to wiggle his nose. "Why? What do we need?"  
  
Sam grinned. "More Mike's."  
  
____________________________________________________________________  
  
We still have six more days to go. Stay tuned :-)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
